Tell Aunty Bev to pull her head in when she tells you that wedding traditions are something you have to stick to.
No … you don’t HAVE to do ANYTHING.It’s your wedding and you can have it the way you want it.
If you are doing (or not doing) something that is considered “traditional” you will very likely come up against family members and friends who will advise you that you are making a mistake and it’s not the way it is supposed to be done. Well … you know what? It’s not their wedding … it’s YOURS!
Of course, they mean well. Simply thank them for their input and tell them you will “take it under consideration”.
When people say they think that wedding traditions should stay, what are they really saying? Are they even aware of how these traditions started? Probably not. If you do your historical research, you will find most wedding traditions are steeped in misogyny, violence and downright nasty stuff! Let me give you an example of how just some of these traditions came about …
Many of these traditions came about in ye olde days of the medieval times. A family or kingdom would look to strengthen their power by having their promising young eligible men find themselves a suitable mate. This was often not someone from within their own village and often was a girl that was pleasing to the eye of the man (as well as probably a good match for political power). This man would then assemble his finest men of battle that he knew. These were the groom’s men. The honour of the Best Man was given to his finest fighter of all. These men would then go into action to kidnap the poor young lass (more often than not against her will). Depending on the situation, this would often end in a brutal battle and much bloodshed to steal her away against the girls family and fellow villagers. Should the groom to be fall in battle, the plan is not abandoned, because the reason the best man was called the best man is because he was decided to be not only the best fighter, but also the next best suitor for the girl should the groom fall.
Once these men have successfully captured the girl, they rush back to their township where they quickly have their village priest perform the marriage. Once the marriage has been performed, it was decreed that it was sealed before God and the poor girls family would then give up trying to get her back. She was lost to them most likely never to be seen again.
So .. when your well meaning family and friends tell you to stick with tradition, think of this enlightening little story of tradition. This is only one very small part of how many wedding traditions began and … most of them are pretty nasty and a couple much more nasty than even this.
Question everything. Ask yourself “What is this adding to my day? Is it something that will be actually enjoyable for me to do, or is it only being done because everyone tells me I have to do it that way?”
I hope this little article has helped in you considering the traditional aspects for your day and if you want them or not.
Warmest wishes,
Nik Reeds
